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Behavioral Strategies for Parents

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The suggestions below are provided for parents of children with cystic fibrosis, but may be helpful for any parent interested in adjusting their child's behavior patterns.

1. Be a good role model

Children do as you do. You can model respect (and self-respect), politeness, honesty, good choices, compassion, healthy expression of emotion, or any behavior or attitude you want them to adopt.

2. Be clear on what you want them to do

Life with young children can be an endless string of “no” and “don’t” and “stop that.” It is important to teach children what not to do, but also show which behaviors are valued.

  • Instead of: “Don’t hit the kitty!” Try: “Pat the kitty nicely.”
  • Instead of: “Stop that whining!” Try: “Use your words to tell me what you want.”

In other words, when you ask for one behavior to stop, you should indicate which behavior should replace it.

3. Praise good behavior

Misbehavior sometimes gets more of our attention than good behavior. Praising good behavior encourages more good behavior.

  • “Good job putting your toys away!”
  • “I like how you share toys with your sister.”
  • “Thanks for calling to say you’re going to Tina’s house after school. Now, I won’t worry.”

Parenting experts recommend using five “praise statements” every time you correct misbehavior.

4. Focus on the behavior

You love your children but you don’t always love their behavior. When you praise them (or correct misbehavior) focus on the behavior rather than the qualities of the child.

  • Instead of: “You’re a messy boy!” Try: “I don’t like this mess in the living room.”
  • Instead of: “You're beautiful.” Try: “You know how to pick clothes that look great.”

5. Give the reason behind your request

  • Instead of: “Turn that TV down!” Try: “Mommy has a headache. If the TV isn’t so loud, I can take a nap.”
  • Instead of: “Get down from there!” Try: “I need you to stop climbing on the bookcase because it could fall over on you.”

Knowing the reason, they may comply more quickly. But over time they learn that their behavior has effects and consequences. They also learn to see the view points of other people.

6. Keep emotion out of discipline

All parents get tired, frustrated and irritable sometimes. When children misbehave at the same time, that can be a bad combination. Before you react, count to three, take a deep breath, and think out your next words. Discipline should be a well thought-out strategy to teach children, not an emotional reaction. Be sure to keep your voice down.

Children ignore yelling if it’s all they hear. Living with constant yelling can make them tune it out. Make requests in a normal tone of voice and let the words, not the volume, get your point across. When yelling is used only in emergency situations, like chasing a ball into traffic, they will take notice.

7. Give chances to choose, but not wide-open choice

  • Instead of: “Do you want to go to bed?” Try: “Time for bed. Should we read this book or another book?”

Going to bed is a given. There is no choice so don’t offer it as a choice. Getting a child to bed may be easier when they know it is not negotiable and is a predictable part of the day. Giving a choice between two options (red or blue pajamas) may distract them from the impulse to resist.

8. Expect what is reasonable

Taking a young child shopping during naptime will lead him to be cranky. Expecting a teenager to obey an 8 p.m. curfew may not be realistic. Set your expectations at a level consistent with age.

9. Keep adult matters among adults

Children too young to understand adult issues can be upset by hearing about them. Keep a clear line between what you tell children and what you might tell a family member or friend. Likewise, it is not fair to expect a child to be the person in whom you confide your problems. They need you to be in charge.

10. Make the time to spend some time playing or talking

Children may act out to get your attention. If misbehavior is the only way to get your attention, expect the misbehavior to continue. Life is busy with many demands. So, we need to make time to play, talk or just hang out. If you have more than one child, find one-on-one time with each.

This list is adapted from an online resource called “Helping Children Thrive.” For more tips on helping children behave, visit the Child Development Institute. If you have questions or want to discuss specific situations, contact the Cystic Fibrosis Program at 323-361-4050.