School-Age (9-12 Years)

Children’s Understanding

  • Thinking and reasoning is still not fully developed
  • May be better able to understand the meaning of physical death
  • May want more scientific or detailed facts about the death
  • May understand the difference between good and bad, right and wrong
  • May understand death based on what they have learned and experienced

Common Grief Reactions & Behaviors

  • Sadness, helplessness
  • May feel guilty
  • May hold back emotions
  • May have difficulty accepting the death
  • May be concerned about how others will react and treat them
  • May worry about how others are coping
  • May take on more responsibility than they can handle
  • May have changes in school performance (for example, having trouble concentrating, not getting along with others, learning problems, etc.)

How You Can Help

  • Give simple and honest answers
  • Give permission and encourage your child to talk openly about fears and concerns
  • Carefully listen to what your child is saying
  • Be ready to talk to your child about what they are thinking and feeling
  • Suggest talking to a friend and/or trained professional for example, Child Life specialist, clergy, school counselor, social worker, doctor, or therapist
  • Explain that feelings may come and go
  • Help them to understand what may be different in their lives without the person who died
  • Talk to your child about what will stay the same
  • Inform your child’s school of a death so that their school can provide extra support
  • Provide supportive resources such as books, journals, and music
  • Encourage expression of feelings through writing, drawing, creating memory boxes or scrapbooks, etc.