Children’s Understanding
- Preschool children think death is like sleeping
- May think that the person has “gone away” and will come back
- May think they caused the death
- May believe that the same thing might happen to them
- May relate death to violence seen on television or movies
- May connect going to the hospital with dying
Common Grief Reactions & Behaviors
- Increased regressive behavior (going back to their earlier behaviors such as bedwetting, clinging, thumb sucking, crying, and baby talk)
- May show aggressive behavior (for example, kicking, biting, pushing, yelling)
- May be more fearful of being separated from parent or caregiver
- May talk about the death a lot, even when you least expect it
- May go back and forth from playing to feeling sad
How You Can Help
- Give simple and honest answers
- Provide simple explanations of death (for example, the body stopped working, the dead person cannot eat,
play or feel pain)
- Avoid using words that have more than one meaning such as: “passed away,” “gone away,” “taken from us,”
“put to rest,” or “sleeping”
- Use words such as: dead, died, death
- Carefully listen to what your child is saying
- Be ready to talk to your child about what he or she is thinking and feeling
- Explain why people around them are sad and crying
- Help your child to understand what may be different in their lives without the person who died
- Talk to your child about what will stay the same
- Provide reassurance that your child:
~ Will be taken care of
~ Did not cause the death
~ Cannot “catch it” (like catching a cold)
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