School Age (6-9 years)

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Children’s Understanding

School-age children understand that death is final
May believe it will not happen to them
Understanding of death may be influenced by images from scary books, movies, violence seen on television, or other experiences
May imagine ghosts, angels, skeletons, or spirits to represent death
May believe that they can avoid death by being good

May act as though nothing has happened
May go back and forth between playing and feeling sad
May briefly go back to younger behaviors (for example, bedwetting, clinging, thumb sucking, crying, baby talk)
May ask endless questions
May show physical reactions to the death (for example, headaches, abdominal pain, change of appetite, and sleep patterns)
Death may become a common theme in their play
May have changes in school performance (for example, getting along with others, learning problems)

Give simple and honest answers
Provide simple explanations of death (for example, the body stopped working, cannot eat, play or feel pain anymore)
Do not use words that have more than one meaning such as: “passed away,” “gone away,” “taken from us,” “put to rest,” or “sleeping”
Use words such as: dead, died, and death
Explain why people are sad and crying
Encourage your child to talk openly about fears and concerns
Carefully listen to what your child is saying
Be ready to talk to your child about what they are thinking and feeling
Explain that feelings may come and go
Help them to understand what may be different in their lives without the person who died
Talk to your child about what will stay the same
Provide reassurance that your child:
~ Will be taken care of
~ Did not cause the death
~ Cannot “catch it” (like catching a cold)
Inform your child’s school of a death so that their school can provide extra support
Provide supportive resources such as books, journals, music
Encourage expression of feelings through writing, drawing, creating memory boxes or scrapbooks, etc.